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The Change

Inevitably, when a person takes a big trip, say encircling the world, he or she returns to a torrent of expectation. The first of the expectations is "why". This question is mostly founded on the assumption that a person travels for some distinguished reason. Self discovery. Spiritual awakening. Relaxation and escape. The last, relaxation and escape, generally demands a duration of 1-3 weeks and an exclusive or tropical destination. If the trip is over 3 weeks it fades into a trip of a deeper, more spiritual nature. In which case a world encompassing trip of 4 months necessitates a larger more meaningful response than a simple "I just wanted to see the world" purpose.

If you can get past the first superficial shorcomming, the second expectation is the "what". "What was your awakening?" "What did you discover?" "How did you change?" "Epiphanies! We need epiphanies!" There is an undercurrent of conjecture that a trip like this will bring with it the answers to life, both past, present and future. That you will return having seen the face of God and holding an epiphany of purpose.

And now, before I address these inevitable inquiries, I have a confession to make. When I decided to undertake this adventure, I did not leave with a pack full of expectations. I had no deep preconceived notions to prove or disprove regarding the cultures of the world. Nor did I leave expecting the sun to rise on my future and illuminate fate. And while I was not closed to the idea, I wasn't driven by some quest for spiritual awakening, self discovery, or the meaning of life. No, I'm sorry to say I'm a bit more simple than that. To be honest, I just wanted to see the world. Without pretense. Without expectation. Without the prerequisite of change: the world by me or me by the world. I was single, a day older every 24 hours, and saw a window of oportunity to take advantage of. So I did. Weak, perhaps, but honest.

The problem with a trip like this, at least for me, is that when you return from 4 months of 2 night stays, you are dripping with experiences, memories, observations, and you're not quite sure what happened. There is a sense, a bit surreal, that you have in fact changed. Something is different but it's not black and white. Before leaving you spent all your in the same gallery, with a certain painting. Then you return to that familiar place. Although now, even though you know it is the same piece, it seems bigger... or is it smaller? Mesmerized you position in the same spot, you sit at the same coffee shop, wander the same side street, staring at the same canvas. Maybe the colors that have changed. Maybe are they simply running through a different filter, eyes now seeing shades not formerly known, or at least understood. Whatever the case, something has changed, whether the canvas or the person viewing it. Parts of the picture more vibrant, others darker and less defined. But the interesting thing is it's the same picture. Different? definately. But I'm not exactly sure how.

The other interesting thing is just how quickly parts of the painting fade back to familiar. The memories turn into pictures. Snapshots. The feelings don't leave, but they do become more distant. A fire settling into embers. Still glowing. Still warm. Still pleasant, but no longer the dancing flames they once were. You never forget the flames. It's just not as easy to remember them.

posted by Travelin' D @ 12:25 PM